The Romans vs the Jews

For Bibi Netanyahu

A long time ago. Hopefully in sequence but who really knows. I will add links later. It is for Bibi Netanyahu who knows nothing about history.

My view is that to bring an end to this awful war that Netanyahu should be arrested. He does not benefit anyone, not even Israelis. That removes Netanyahu's attempts to make Israel a hegemon.

That then leaves the oligarchs of North America to decide whether they want to try and drag non-oligarchic Americans into a war with China for nobody's benefit except the oligarchs. China imports most of its oil from Iran so yes this is a dangerous moment in history. Anyway the story so far.
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1. Egypt very rich. 

2. Orpheus’s head, which has been detached from its body by some wanton muses (not to be confused with Mosos the gal or Moses the Manly man of later times) after he had lost his wife because he looked back when he shouldn’t have (not to be confused with Lot’s wife), floats down the Hebrus (not to be confused with Hebrews) river in Macedon/Thrace and out to Lesbos where he meets up with Jesu..er Belia... er Apollo, for a Lesbos musical talent contest. He tries not to look back. Isn’t Greek myth fun?

3. Persians takeover Egypt. Become very rich.

4. Persian/Greek wars. Persians destroy the Athenian temple in 480BCE, Athenians none too happy about it.

5. Greeks give the Persians a kicking at Plataea near Thebes, tell them to get lost and chase the stragglers to the Hellespont. Well that's what we’ve been told anyway but as it was Herodotus who told us you may need a few grains of salt with that one.

6. Democrats rise in Athens, Athens expands to an empire by engaging in a 50 year series of wars with its neighbours called the Pentecontaetia. Pente is Greek for five or fifty, the Greeks, uniquely for several hundred years until a people who had access to Dr Who’s Tardis, were very fond of their fives, fifties and so on. Anyway according to Herodotus first on the list of those warred against is a northern town where the walls fall down. Third on the list is Assyria.

7. Sparta and Athens go to war. Athens decides it can afford to spend it’s horde of silver on the task. Persians watch the spectacle and provide refreshments for the next 30 years.

8. Thucydides, an Athenian, tells us about it, including a reason why, as a General, he was late turning up at one stage. Athenians don't believe him and exile him. He goes to Sparta and continues to write until a few years before Sparta takes the spoils.

9. Athens runs out of silver.

10. Oligarchs take over Athens for a while but fairly quickly get put back in their box. Male Athenians who are not slaves have tasted democracy and don’t like not appearing to have a say in what the Oligarchs do. 

11. Sparta the protector of Greek freedom fails. Freedom loving Greek neighbours of Sparta rejoice. Freedom loving Helots party until the sun comes up. Well supposedly anyway, but lets not diss Argos just yet.

12. Plato muses (note not Mosos or Moses) on his perfect very oligarchic undemocratic society, one which would have 12 strictly controlled tribes doing what the Oligarchs told them to do. This seems to be based on Athens legendary founding by 12 tribes in the 19th Century BCE. Strangely 2410 years later a Facebook page is set up basically calling him a fascist and suggesting that he be deleted from history, which is somewhat amusing really.

13. Herodotus turns up writing very much in a style later historians would say was somewhat similar to the Penteteuch (translated from the Ancient Greek this means ‘five make ready' although some will say that it means what it came to mean later which is basically ‘five books’’), writes on the Persian wars with a Greek bias amongst other matters and mentions Alexander of Macedon in passing as a good guy in the war at Plataea in 479 BCE. Macedonians it could be noted were allied to the Persians.

14. Philip of Macedon, who considers himself Greek, which 21st Century Macedonians will vehemently deny from one end of the internet to the other, has a son called Alexander by Barbarian wife (might be an idea to note that). His son is given a Greek education including by Plato’s student, Aristotle. There are some who think Aristotle might have been a fictitious character made up at Plato’s academy, but I can’t comment other than to say how could he be fictitious when he taught Alexander the Great?

15. Alexander of Macedon (v.2 later known as Alexander the Great and well educated by Aristotle!) takes over Near East, destroying Persian empire in process and consequently becomes very rich but dies early without heirs (KISS). Historians of the 21st Century later come to consider Alexander to be somewhat ‘problematic’. Maybe like his teacher?

16. After a bit of a fight, Ptolemies and Seleucids divide the spoils of empire. Athenians prominent and Macedonians somewhat absent in the ruling junta of these kingdoms for some reason. Sparta is now more or less forgotten, or maybe just forgotten to be remembered.

17. Ptolemies combine Zeus with a bull and create the god Serapis so as to get native Egyptians onside with their new rulers. Religion it seems is somewhat malleable for Greek elites.

18. Mosos the woman demigod who gives the laws to the people appears in Near East and is still confounding the editors of the Jewish Encyclopaedia 2200 years later. Not to be confused with muses or Moses who are of course completely and utterly unrelated. Oh yes they are.

19. After annoying both Greeks and Carthaginians in Southern Italy and Sicily for a while the Romans turn up at Carthage and Corinth in the same year (146 BCE) and sack both. Surviving Carthaginians wander in the desert for the next 40 years. Or so we’re told.

20. Ptolemies/Seleucids may have shown some signs of concern at this development, after all the Romans wern’t Greeks even if they had stolen the Greek gods.

21. Supposed Jewish sectarians at Qumran try and set up their version of Plato's perfect oligarchic society, with strict community rules for members based on birth, logically choosing an incredibly arid desert with no easily accessible drinking water to do this. They then build a series of baths just for the hell of it. Although their texts indicate that they were one of many of such camps this is ignored by Dead Sea Scroll historians 2100 years later who insist that they were sectarians and probably Essenes to boot because Josephus mentioned Essenes. Luckily nobody looks up ‘us’ in Ancient Greek and takes insult. Josephus tries to outdo Herodotus with lies. Strangely despite Moses (ed. please note not Mosos or muses and definitely not mosus) being given the Torah at least a thousand years earlier this is also the earliest attestation we have to the texts of the Pentateuch even if they are a little more varied than they became shortly afterwards.

22. Romans takeover from the Gr... er Jews in Palestine and a short time later from the Gr.. er yes Greeks in Egypt.

23. Herod the Great (whose mother was a Barbarian by Jewish law if I may prompt you) rebuilds the temple in Jerusalem as the first temple was destroyed by the Persians in either the 5th or 6th century BCE depending on who you believe and the Jerusaleminites were none too happy about it (prompt, prompt). When he dies his funeral and the procession following it is a copycat of Alexander’s (no relation). Otus have become giants by this time in Greek myth, but luckily for the three Abrahamic religions nobody notices for the next 2000 years, or at least nobody survives noticing. Herod the Giant is Herod Otus?

24. Qumran evacuated for whatever reason, but seems to have been somewhat carthartic (a new word at the time courtesy of the Latins, see 146 BCE) but documents in Hebrew, Greek and Aramaic left behind in caves including an almost impossible to open copper treasure map outlining where 60% of the known worlds treasure at the time could be found which seems to have been hidden for some reason (The Romans are at the Gates!!). It is in Hebrew but with annotations in Greek. Names of those hiding the treasure are all Greek names. Later historians will assert that Jews had Greek names because Jews were Hellenized. No other theories seem to have ever been considered. Never. Nobody notices that the Jews never Persianised or that Hellenes could have Judaised. No, no, no.

25. War Scroll details series of wars the Hebrews had with their neighbours over a 40 year period. Note this is 40 years not 50 years. According to this first on the list is a northern town where the walls fall down. Third on the list is Assyria. Eschatalogical style of this text confuses later historians. Gosh that's easy to do (and please do not compare this to number 6 in this list).

26. Boethus of Sidon a Greek who studied under Adronicus of Rhodes expounds on why he thinks the soul is not immortal. (archeological evidence attests to this)
.......and at exactly the same time

27. Boethus of Alexandria a Jew who studied under Antigonus of Sokho expounds on why he thinks the soul is not immortal (Rabbinical and Talmudic writings attest to this). Later 21st Century Historians of the Dead Sea Scrolls suggest that the Boethusians, followers of Boethus (you get to choose which one) according to Rabbinical and Talmudical sources, can be compared to the Essenes who Josephus said believed, without question, in the immortality of the soul. The contrast in philosophy is seemingly missed by these historians, who nevertheless pride themselves on their 21st century impartiality. Sokho was in Judea. It’s not to be confused with Oikos which means ‘house’ in Greek because that would be backwards of you. If you want to look up anti gon and us in Ancient Greek that’s up to you.

28. Jewish soldier does a report in Greek for his superiors and apologises for not being able to write it in Hebrew as he doesn't know the language well enough. He is of course assuming that Greek won’t be a problem for his superiors or that later historians won’t think logically about this and question his own origins. Evidence is that he was right about both.

29. Around this time a Temple is built in Syria at Dura Europos. When found 1900 years or so later it is first considered to be a Greek Temple but then when it is realised that the very Greek looking paintings on its walls are stories from the Penteteuch it is then claimed as the Worlds oldest Synagogue (for some reason they seem to be missing in the earlier Palestinian archeological record) albeit that the rather effusive paintings in the Greek style cause surprise as this is thought to be somewhat un-Jewish. This causes mirth 1900 or so years later for at least one cynic.

30. Josephus inserts himself at this point (yes that’s right ‘inserts’) after, by his own account as he was a somewhat modest as well as truthful man, luckily surviving drawing straws in a cave. Writes a history of the Jews in Greek after betraying them to the Romans. Also writes Against Apion, in Greek again, to put Apion back in his box who was apparently asserting that the Jews were not as ancient as they claimed to be. Later historians accept Josephus’s version without dissent including modern impartial 21st Century ones. For some reason by the 21st Century Josephus's texts have survived, but Apion's havn't. But this is probably just an accident of history.

31. Someone changes the name of the Hebrus (not to be confused with Hebrews) river to Maritsa (in English that would be Mary). Not sure why, but I’m sure Mary was a very popular name at the time.

32. One 20th Century Jewish writer trying to coattail on the Ancient Greeks fame will claim that Hebrew (and er.. Arabic) is just encrypted Ancient Greek but his book fails to get reprinted despite later attracting very large prices on Amazon.com for available copies.  His name is not Apion.  In fact he writes more like Josephus than apion but obviously prefers Greek coattails and who wouldn’t?

33. A 21st Century writer notices the similarities of the Penteteuch (now called the Torah) and Greek Myth. Writes a book suggesting that the Ancient Jews must have drawn a little on this myth. Some then get to notice that there doesn’t seem to be any other type of myth in the Torah and that myth might not be the only Greek part of the Pente.. er Torah, Uh oh..... is Pente really a Greek word too?